you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
