She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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