Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
