We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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