remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
