phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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