My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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