in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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