If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
