if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize