I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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