508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
sarcasm needs its own font
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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