Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
