Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
