I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
