All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
did you just send me my own nude
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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