I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
BRING THE BAGELS
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
