you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
