he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
