i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
