There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
