idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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