I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
