Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
