SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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