Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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