I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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