Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
