How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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