Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
