you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
