what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
