did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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