I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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