my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
