can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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