Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
