If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
