I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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