my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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