this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My vagina just clenched in fear
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
