I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
