I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
