Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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