im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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