Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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