She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
