Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
