hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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