Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
