i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
