he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
